Unless a miracle happens I will never experience the joyof knowing I am pregnant or feeling that baby kick or giving birth.My former supervisor told me that what I missed was no big deal, butshe had the choice and she gave birth. I never will. No one except afew that are like me that I have given love to and receive love backwill ever call me mom. I have given some of them strength. I have givensome of them the will to endure. I have given some of them the strengthto, as Shakespeare?s Hamlet put it, to be instead of not to be.Every night I ask G_d to do that miracle and allow them to really be mydaughters like they deserve. That miracle would be for them as well asfor me. At least G_d did answer my prayers in a way that He could underthe rules He created. For in my heart and theirs I am their mother andthey are my daughters. I thank Him for that even though we still needthat final part.In addition few will ever call me sis although I have two real lifesisters and a few sisters that. If he finds out about stuff, he might kill me." Me too Carla. That's why it's important that he not find out. You've got to break up with him over the phone. Just tell him that it's over, and that when he didn't call you or return any of your letters, you just decided to move on. Don't tell him anything about what you've been doing, just tell him that you don't want to be with him anymore." But Barry, I still love him."This girl had fucked at least four guys, including me, and had an hour long hot sexual encounter with Audrey, and she was standing there telling me that she loved my brother. She was definitely the chink in my armor. She was going to get me killed. I had to think of something, and do it pretty fast too."If you love him Carla, you'll do what I told you to. Walter's going to have to spend a lot of time dealing with the situation that he has up in Bloomington. After that all gets settled, if you still think you love him, I promise that I'll find a way to get the two of.
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